10 Commandments of Not-So Good Parenting

Dr Laurence Steinberg, PhD, is the author of "The Ten Basic Principles of Good Parenting". He has some great theories and guidelines for parenting that are pretty widely respected. I thought I would share how we obey his 10 rules.

1. What you do matters

Dr. Steinberg says, "What you do makes a difference. You're kids are watching you".

Ignoring the large print on this basket that says "DO NOT PLACE CHILD IN BASKET" is definitely setting a good example for my kids. I didn't place a "child" in the basket - I set "children" in the basket. They should really make that more specific.

2. You cannot be too loving

Steinberg stresses that you cannot spoil a child with love. Many times people mistake showing love by buying material possessions and giving the child their way. This thinking, he says, is incorrect. You show a child love through your actions and the things you do with them.

We really don't buy too many things for our kids - we figured they weren't old enough to care and having Mitch in graduate school meant we just didn't have too much money anyway. This concept came pretty easy to us. We show our kids plenty of love through extreme play - such good parents. 

3. Treat your child with respect

(I'm going to change this to teach your child to treat others with respect)

 The washing machine in our apartment broke last week and Ben decided to wet the bed for the first time in months - thus creating an even larger mountain of laundry than normal. Anyway, we had to go to the laundromat a couple of times. And as is the case in every laundromat I've been in, I was greeted with the Spanish Soap Operas, lovely Spanish music and a "plethora of pinatas" (10 points for anyone who catch's that reference).  There might be one or two other white people there, but they are usually single men stuffing as much laundry into one machine as possible. As we were sitting and waiting for our laundry to be washed, a darling little Latino girl walked up to us. She didn't say anything, so I asked her name. Of course, she didn't speak English, so I asked again in Spanish. It was like I pressed the "on" button. She didn't stop talking for about 5 minutes. I think she was telling me all of the names of her cousins, parents, grandparents, siblings... All the while, Ben is watching her with this weird face. She finally turned to Ben, asked his name, and waited  for his response. He looked at me, looked back at her and said "blah blah blah blah blah".

Definitely a notion of great respect, right?

4. Adapt your parenting to fit your child

 In his nightly prayers, Ben thanks Heavenly Father for his daddy, Lydibug, Superman & Spiderman. At least he's learned to be honest about what he is grateful for.

I tried really hard to get Lydia to play with the play dough and she only seemed interested in eating it, until I made it into an accessory.

5. Establish & Set Rules

Without the string, the kite falls...

...and apparently if the string gets tangled, the world ends.  We had a few "Irv" moments during this first kite flying experience. 

We also discovered we need 3 kites, one for Ben, one for Lydia & one for Dad. 

6. Foster your child's independence

I am a big fan of teaching my kids how to do things and learning new skills. Ben loves to take his own twist on these lessons. For example, the knobs in the kitchen sometimes come loose. Ben would get very concerned when the knobs would wiggle. I spent a few minutes and showed him how to screw the knobs on tight. The following morning while putting the dishes away, I hit myself when a booby-trapped knob popped off the drawer. Ben likes to unscrew the knobs and then gently place them back on the screw, so that when I pull on them they pop me in the belly. 

7. Be Consistent

The other night, I tried to give my kids some choices for dinner, rather than just telling them what they were going to eat. I consistently kept saying, "You can have pasta or rice". Ben's response was consistently "No, watermelon!". Lydia's response was, "Treat! Treat!". 

When I left the room for a moment as they were both freaking out, Ben helped himself to the watermelon in the fridge. 

Lydia couldn't get to her candy because she can't get off the chair by herself. 

About the only thing that is consistent around here is chaos.

8. Avoid Harsh Discipline

I don't really have to do much here - Ben has no problem disciplining himself harshly. :) 

(The real story is he tried to fly like Superman and ran into the door frame going as fast as a superhero should).

9. Explain your rules and decisions

Steinberg says that generally parents over-explain to small children and under-explain to older children.

Apparently I am over-explaining the principle of modesty to Lydia and under-explaining it to Ben.

10. Be involved in your child's life

Although we do make a million parenting mistakes daily, we try and spend as much quality time with our children as possible. Here are some fun things we did the last couple of weekends.

We went to the beach last weekend. We mistakenly parked by the dog beach, but it turned out to be really fun for the kids. Lydia was in heaven with all the dogs running around and plenty of sand to eat. Ben was a fish! We couldn't get him out of the water when it was time to go. We did have a good chuckle at how odd we looked at this beach. Seriously everyone there was with their dogs and no kids and we were the only ones with no dog and just our kids.

This weekend was the Chicago Air Show. We could hear the jets practicing all day on Friday, so we headed down to Belmont Harbor to catch a glimpse.

Can't go on an outing without a proper meal, right?